Family, Holidays

what they don’t tell you about marriage

Yesterday was Andy and I’s 9 year anniversary.

I know what you are thinking- how could SHE be married for nine years? She’s much too young!

Ha.

Well, at just 18 years old I married a guy I was crazy about. He was 19 and handsome as could be (some things will never change).

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We were two skinny babies who had no idea what we were getting ourselves into.

Sweet mercy, no no no we didn’t. We were blissfully unaware of the hardships and joys that came with marriage.

I remember the first year and remember feeling bad ALL THE TIME about myself and our marriage because IT WAS HARD and everyone kept commenting on how we must be experiencing “newlywed bliss”… and I all I could think was “IF THIS IS BLISS I CAN’T FATHOM WHAT HELL WOULD LOOK LIKE”.

Not saying it was hell necessarily, but well, some days were.

I thought something was way wrong with me because, quite frankly, sometimes I wondered what we had gotten ourselves into and if I wouldn’t have severely disappointed all those who loved us, I might have just ran away. (remember, I was only 19 our first year of marriage… aka I was dumb and selfish.) Plus, EVERYONE on social media that was married seemed to be so happy they couldn’t help but share their happiness every FIVE SECONDS on there and well, I kinda wanted to punch all of them in the face a little. Or a lot.

Each year after the first got a smidge better, but honestly it wasn’t until the fourth year that I finally could say I truly enjoyed being Andy’s wife. We had gotten through some severely hard times and I felt like we finally had made it to a place where we didn’t struggle constantly.

Not to say the past 5 years after that fourth year mark haven’t been hard because OH THEY HAVE at times, but we finally figured out how to fight better and finally became less selfish.

And that’s the thing they don’t tell you about marriage. It seems like it is either you are blissfully married or you are suddenly divorcing. No one tells you about the middle.

Andy and I decided a long time ago that divorce just was not an option for us. It just isn’t. And we have been through things that most wouldn’t make it through.

Only by the grace of God did we make it to 9 years.

And are we blissfully married now? Yes and no.

Yes- I love that man more than ever. Yes- I am so proud of him. YES- I cannot fathom my life without him.

No- marriage is still so hard. No- we are at a stage with young kids who tend to hate sleep and we take out our sleep deprived frustration on each other.

Yesterday Andy and I both gave each other cards. What the card writers said was sweet and sentimental, but it was what WE wrote to each other that was both funny and touching.

We both wrote a version of the same exact thing- “This wasn’t our favorite year of marriage. It wasn’t our hardest or our easiest. But I still wouldn’t have wanted to spend it without you. Here’s to a much better year where we try harder to love and respect each other.”

At first I laughed because we seriously wrote the same exact thing pretty much.

And then I found myself crying out of happiness that we still had so much hope and promise to make it better this year. We BOTH realized it wasn’t our best year and we BOTH are ready to tackle another year to make it much better than the last.

We are on the same page, and that is a good place to be.

Andy is my favorite blessing. I couldn’t imagine my life without him. Even the hardest years are better with him in it.

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2 thoughts on “what they don’t tell you about marriage

  1. The pastor that married us told us that if “Each one always puts the others needs first it will all work out and everyone will be happy”. I’ve remembered that after all these years and it does help to remind myself this every so often! Love to you both. Happy Anniversary!

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