hilarious adventures


Sometimes the life of a mom is, well, hard. Is that the understatement of the century or what?!

Yesterday afternoon I was going INSANE with my children and their CRAZINESS AT DANCE CLASS. No but seriously, taking the girls to Rory’s dance class is trying. I almost always leave and get a giant coke from Sonic and I almost always wish I could spike it with something stronger.

It isn’t something I like to admit, but it is true and I’m all about the truth around here.

Want to know what is also true?

I sometimes lock myself in my bathroom and pretend I’m using it because, y’all, MOMMY NEEDS A TIMEOUT TOO SOMETIMES.

The following reasons are, what I think, legitimate reasons to take a mommy timeout:

1) When your children take a tub of Vicks Vapor Rub and COMPLETELY EMPTY IT all over themselves and their rooms and the surrounding area…

2) When your, PRECIOUS, children sneak out of their room and get chocolate chips out of the pantry (that you didn’t know you even had by the way) and empty the ENTIRE BAG out all over their room while they are supposed to be napping…

3) When you get home and their are giant piles of chocolate crap (like as in POOP) and piles of chocolate throw up because apparently your dog ate the chocolate your kids dumped out…OH AND BY THE WAY, when you also slip on those piles and fall in them….

4) When your children dump fun dip (that you didn’t know you had) ALL OVER YOUR WHITE RUG IN THE LIVING ROOM…

5) When your darling children get your wedding rings out of the jewelry box and proceed to hide them and tell you that they flushed them down the toilet…

People, shall I go on?! I’m pretty sure you get it.

See, I say that Mommy needs a timeout when things like the above happen because sometimes Mommy feels angry and sometimes Mommy feels the need to go to her bathroom, lock the door, and CALM THE HECK DOWN.

So yesterday during the craziness of dance, I started getting these awesome texts.

First, I got a text to a youtube video about selfies. I watched it and laughed really hard. We all know how I feel about a selfie…. and if you don’t know I will tell you- I feel awkward. I feel like selfies are awkward and weird and I can never figure out what to do with my face.

Also, I feel like moms maybe should lay off of the selfies. That is just my personal opinion though.

Then I started getting selfies from my friends. Now let me mention that I’ve been friends with these girls since about 1994. They are in the “lifelong friend” category. They’ve seen IT ALL. And yet, they still love me. Or at least pretend they do! Ha!

So here is how the selfie situation went down. And in between we talked a lot about how we were sick of things like wiping butts and paying for butt cream and well, normal mom stuff…photophoto 2photo 9

photo 3photo 8

photo 6


Y’all. I can’t even. I’m pretty sure I laughed until I peed my pants. It was THE BEST.

Dear Jinny and Rachel, thank you for making my day AMAZING.

Basically, I suggest all my mom friends immediately start texting selfies to each other because IT WILL BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY.

Not even kidding.

Also, I have one more item to discuss with you.

There is apparently a GINORMOUS difference between crowns and tiaras.

Wanted to spare all of you the weeping and gnashing of teeth I experience in my house every single time I say, “I love your princess crown!”. Because “UUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHH MOOOOOOOOOOM ITS A TIARA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”.

Teenage years are something to look forward to. I can already tell.


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