vacation bloopers

**** I wrote this post earlier today and just before I was going to post it Andy called to say he was extremely sick. I had been running to the bathroom a lot myself, so I knew things were about to get ugly. We both ended up getting really sick. We found an extremely shady walk in clinic but were in and out within 30 minutes with about six prescriptions to help. The doctor was super nice and felt so bad we were on vacation and sick. We ate at a Japanese restaurant last night and had the same thing and we’re pretty positive it was food poisoning. Great way to spend vacation without kids, right? Luckily we were able to get a lot of rest tonight and both feel so much better but are very weak. Hopefully the worst is behind us! ****

Hello, hello! I’m currently blogging on my iPad in Starbucks and wishing I had a Mac computer instead so I’d look cool like every other person in here. But alas, I am busily tapping away with my little pointy finger like a goob. I am pretending they are envying my sweet iPad and hating their MacBooks.

I am now going to tell you some random facts about today:
– I had to pack everything up and load it in the car by myself today. It took 37 trips because Andy has 123 code books from his training and they are heavy.
– We are under a strong wind advisory here in Columbus OH and that is the understatement of the year! I almost fall over every time I go outside. Of course, that added to the awesomeness of loading the car by myself.
– I have been stopped 34567 times by random people asking if my hair is really purple. When I say yes, most of those people have said “ohhh interesting….” …. meaning “ohhh weird” or “ohhh I hate it”.
– I’m sitting in a tall stool at a tall table and my feet are dangling and I feel like a little person.
– Oh my gosh! That reminds me of a dream I had the other night! I dreamed that I was on a bus with a bunch of people, some I knew and some I didn’t. Anyways, I started talking about this crazy midget who attacked me in the Target parking lot and my mom was cutting her eyes like crazy to the left. When I finally looked over, I realized there was a little person next to me. Awkward.
– Don’t you wish I did more random facts posts?
– I wish I could be a little more dramatic and exaggerate just a tad more. I’m obviously not good at that.
– Dude next to me just announced loudly that he needed to take a “huge crap” except he used another word that in my world is known as the Davis word and it’s 2 syllables instead of one. Thought you’d like to be mortified with me. You’re welcome.

Ok! Let’s get to the important part of the post! I know every single one of you (hi mom!) who wait for me to post is dying to hear the story I promised yesterday.

The year was 2006 I believe and Andy and I were two poor college students wanting to take a mini vacation somewhere. Since Andy is an avid snowboarder, he suggested we go snowboarding. Now, I was raised in TN and MS so I hadn’t seen just inches upon inches of snow so I was excited about going.

Andy, the precious terd that he is, convinced me that I should just go straight to snowboarding instead of skiing because it was SO MUCH EASIER that way. And I skeptically went along with this plan.

But I was hopeful! I had convinced myself that since I knew how to surf (meaning I had done it once on our senior trip to Maui) and wakeboard it’d be easy as pie. (are pies really easy????)

So off we went to West Virginia to go snowboarding together and bond over Andy’s love for the sport. In my head, the trip was going to be awesome and we were going to tear up the slopes like Shaun White together.

And then we got there.

First, let me tell you that while we were driving up to WV I started running a very high fever (103) and I’m about 99.9999% sure it was the flu.

So that was certainly on my side, no?

We drive up the mountain and Andy gets straight to business going down quadruple black diamonds (or whatever they are called) while I went to snowboard school. I was in school with four other people, all of which were age 14 down to age 7. They were tearing it up immediately and I kept landing on my face. Which totally wasn’t embarrassing AT ALL. By the end of the day though I was started to get the hang of it.

We woke up the next morning to snow everywhere and bitterly cold temperatures. This meant that they could make snow a lot of snow.

Andy and I decided I would get a private lesson first thing that morning to make sure I could go down more than just the bunny slope.

We get up to the mountain and I meet up with my private instructor who was young and mighty cute (ha!) and start our lesson. The problem was that the area where the bunny slope and lessons were was in direct path of the huge snow makers that were shooting straight ice out. I had ice cycles coming out my nose, my hair was completely frozen, and my eyes kept getting stuck closed from the ice. The instructor (did I mention he was hot and from Switzerland??) just kept apologizing because there was no way to do anything. He couldn’t even stay up very well.

While this is going on, the bunny slope lift stopped working and so I was having to go down the mountain on the snowboard and then walk back up which was MISERABLE.

After a few times having to do that I was done and got some coffee and waited on Andy to come back from shredding it up on the quadruple black diamonds. When we met up he insisted that I was ready to go down a green slope.

Cue the drama queen in me… I started BAWLING telling him I wasn’t ready and he kept insisting so I decided that maybe he knew something I didn’t so I would go down.

So, reluctantly, I started down the green slope (aka baby slope) and KEPT FACE PLANTING EVERY FIVE SECONDS. I was hurting physically, but more importantly my ego was severely bruised. After about a hundred tries and EPIC FAILS in which I landed flat on my face I did the most calm and rational thing possible.

I threw the BIGGEST tantrum anyone’s ever seen, screamed at Andy that I told him I wasn’t ready and whyyyy wouldn’t he just listen to me for once, said words that would make even the worst sinners blush, and literally threw my snowboard down the mountain and walked back up the mountain. I got in the car and drove to the hotel and took a big ole nap while Andy continued to have the time of his life on his fancy quadruple black diamonds.

Now, in hindsight I may have over reacted. Just a tad. I wish I would have taken the snowboard off and sat on it and just went down the mountain on my butt instead, but I wasn’t thinking clearly at the time.

But it’s a story we will tell the grand kids one day and they will laugh so I guess that makes I worth it. (??)

So tomorrow we are going again but this time I’m skiing and praying so hard I can get down a green without having to throw a huge fit and losing my religion. I will let you know how it goes.

Also, I’m never listening to Andy again when it comes to things like this.

The end.

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4 thoughts on “vacation bloopers

  1. I’ve been skiing exactly one time in my life (Senior trip!). I got off the bunny slope once. My friend literally skied off the mountain into a tree, then was driven down on a snowmobile. I hopped on the snowmobile and quit with her. That mess wasn’t going to happen to me! Clinton keeps saying he wants to go, but I REFUSE! No way! Not my idea of a good time! But good luck! Lol!!

    I’m glad you are feeling better! This post literally made me laugh out loud! Loved the random facts!

  2. BTW- same trip, a guy was talked into snowboarding even though he’d never skied before because it would be SO much easier! Day 2 of the trip, he had traded that snowboard in! Ha!

  3. Sounds familiar Andy took me down a black diamond the first time i had ever snowboarded right after I had finished my first n only lesson on the bunny hill, I would have to agree with the not listening to him haha have fun skiing!

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