Everyday Life

the threenager.

I remember vividly the day Rory turned three.

It was the absolute worst day of her life.

I kid you not. She literally had the worst day. NOTHING was good enough. She deliberately pooped her pants. She busted her sister’s lip because “she looked at me wrong”.

I put balloons all over the house for when she woke up on her birthday…

they were the wrong color.

LIFE WAS HARD on her 3rd birthday.

I remember calling my mom and saying, “We planned to go to Mexican but she doesn’t even deserve a birthday dinner- THAT is how bad she has been!”

Bless it.

We went to Mexican anyway.

Rory has always been my strong-willed child so I just chalked it up to a mixture of her natural strong-willed nature and maybe the age.

I was then introduced to the word ‘threenager’ and my life will never be the same.

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This was a complete game changer.

I now understood.

Threenager is a way of life. It is a true phase people experience.

Rory, I would say, has officially come out of that stage. Lord, one can hope anyway.

Ryder, on the other hand, has officially entered this stage.

Today it seems to have really come to a head around here. I’ve stood my ground and made her go to her room 130923203923 times to settle down from her epic fits.

At one point I actually said, “RYDER! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!”

She looked at me with big eyes and replied, “I NOT KNOW! I NOT WIKE ANYFING!”

Sigh. Such is life with a threenager.

Tension has been so high today that my poor dog was found like this:

photo (4)

She done stuffed herself in a corner to avoid us.

Bless it.

So let me just demonstrate to you some things threenagers can’t handle in life.

Exhibit A- warm weather that makes her wardrobe unacceptable. Now, y’all all know by now that I’m very pro the-heart-wants-what-the-heart-wants on wardrobe choices. Rory looks homeless or at the very least like it is tacky day all day everyday. But one thing I don’t allow is for my children to wear things that aren’t weather appropriate.

So when Ryder rolled out of her room like this yesterday – the day she was spending the entire day outside in 80 degree weather while playing in water – I had to say no.

photo (3)She was clearly understanding and joyful when she had to take them off.

On opposite day.

Exhibit B – cleanliness. Ryder is obsessed with being clean.

Now, a lot of you are thinking, “Tiffany! How is that a problem?!” Well, dear friends, it is a problem because CHILDREN ARE DIRTY NASTY CREATURES OF THE EARTH and so every five seconds girlfriend is yelling at me to give her a bath.

“MOMMAAAAA I JUST PICK MY NOSE AND GOT A BOOOOOGERRRRRR NOW I NEED A BAFFFFFFFF!”

“MOOOMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA JERSEY JUST LICK ME NOW I NEED A BAFFFFFFFFFF!”

“MOM! I WAS DWINKIN MY DWINK AND A LIL BIT SPILL NOW I NEED A BAFFFFFFF!”

DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM SAYING NOW, PEOPLE?!

Side note: she is also now obsessed with deodorant and cannot leave the house without it.

photo (2)

Needless to say, life for a threenager is quite emotional.

And life for a mom of a threenager is well….. sometimes a little hellish, no?

Because no matter what we can never satisfy. Never.

Ever.

At least 4 has so far been an extremely precious age for Rory (one of my favorites so far) so at least there is a light at the end of the very long, psychotic tunnel.

Until then, you can find me in the following places drinking a coke or coffee:

– in my closet

– laid out on the couch in my bedroom

– in the laundry room

– in my bathroom chilling in my chair

– in the playroom that the children never go in

Okay. I must leave the laundry room now and go fight all the disasters that await me!

Maybe, just maybe, one of them will nap today.

That would be glorious.

Happy Threenager Thursday!

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1 thought on “the threenager.

  1. hahaha sounds so familiar! (aka just like Caden!) 🙂 also, Jayci was not delightful at four . . . so I’m hoping Caden might be a different story!

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