hilarious adventures

the story behind the pretzel. (also. help wanted.)

On Tuesday night, Ryder woke up SCREAMING in pain. She kept saying her ear hurt. I knew right away there was an ear infection going on. She wanted in my bed with me and wanted to be ON TOP of me the entire night. This NEVER HAPPENS. Never. EVER. So I knew something was for sure up with the girl.

The thing that struck me as odd was the fact that she’s already been on antibiotic for 7 days for her last round of strep. So how could she have an ear infection?

So, being the good mom that I am, I sent her on to school because I had to work and she had no fever and was acting fine in the morning. You know. What are you going to do?!

I got to work and mentioned what went on the night before to my coworkers and they were like “um she may have something in there then” to which I think OF COURSE. So I went and got Ryder and brought her back to the clinic.


Sure enough Ryder had a mean cut in her ear that had caused an infection.

Meaning, of course, she had stuck something in her ear and it cut the canal and got infected.

So I started quizzing her about what she stuck in her ear and she stood firm for about an hour that it was a pop tart.

FINALLY she says, “Momma! I was eating some pretzels and just stuck it in my ear! Then I say OW!”


Later on I was talking about this hilarious Buzzfeed about parents at the beginning of the school year vs parents are the end. The lunchbox is the one that is SO ME. At the beginning of the year I had such cute lunches with notes and all the glory. End of the year, I don’t even know what is going in there.

Screen Shot 2014-05-15 at 11.28.51 AM

That is when it hit me.

I realized that around two weeks ago I sent a lunch with some pretzels in the lunchbox.

Well, the children didn’t eat them all so the next day I sent them again because HELLO LET US NOT BE WASTEFUL. (But more importantly hello let us save time!)

Here we are approximately 10-14 days later and the same pretzels have been in their lunch well…. almost every day. photo

Look! There is one in there half chewed! And I’ve been sending it for almost two weeks! Maybe that one is the one she jammed into her ear?!

It suddenly hit me that MAYBE she stuck the pretzel in her ear as a cry for help. It is as if she is all SERIOUSLY MOM I’M SO OVER THESE PRETZELS I’M NOW TRYING TO DISPOSE OF THEM ANY WAY I CAN SO YOU CAN’T SEND THEM IN MY LUNCH ANOTHER DAY.

I’d like to formally apologize to my children for sucking at being a school mom at this point. I just cannot take another day of looking in folders and signing things and making decisions. AND WE ARE ONLY IN PRESCHOOL.

I’ve decided I am going to put an ad out in the paper and craigslist.

I need someone to move in to my house and do two things for me-

1) Look in the children’s folders and sign all of the things. Then tell me what they say in a way that it’ll stick in my mind. Well, we all know that won’t happen. So I need said person to just do the things I need to do and hand them to me and let me take the glory.

Must have discerning skills and be able to perfectly forge my signature.

2) Do my laundry. Wash and put up ALL OF THE LAUNDRY. No ironing is required because I do not own an iron and prefer to keep it that way.

Must be able to not shrink my clothes and put them in the correct places.

I won’t be able to pay well because daycare is sucking me dry. But just think of all the excitement you will be able to see every single day with my family!!! You’ll never experience anything like the crazy that goes on in this house!

Happy Thursday and beware of the pretzels!



Related posts:

I love hearing from y'all! Leave a comment below!