not the Christmas I intended.

As I was getting the
girls ready for bed tonight, I felt so weary. I’m frustrated and
sad and exhausted. It’s just not the Christmas I
intended.

We
traveled over 12 hours yesterday, and at all times (give or take a
total of an hour) I was holding a kid. I held Ryder most of the
day, Rory the entire flight, and then Ryder some more. I also held
Ryder all night last night and more today because she just isn’t
feeling great.

I’m
weary.

I go to pick
out pajamas for the girls and realize I have no “good” clean
pajamas. All that are left in the drawers from the trip are the
ratty ones you only use on laundry day. Hand-me-downs from people
who got them from someone else… most of which just need to be
retired. Most of all, I’m mad/sad/frustrated because I didn’t think
ahead enough with the blur of this month and the trip to
buy matching Christmas pajamas for
the girls to wear like all the pictures I am seeing on Facebook and
Instagram of my friends’ kids.

Because, that is the most important thing about
Christmas… matching pajamas.

Seriously. I need to get a life.

And then, through my weariness, I
manage to get the girls into Rory’s bed after leaving Santa’s
cookies by the tree, and I start to read the Christmas story to
them.

I start to
think of how weary Mary must have been traveling all that way to
Bethlehem, while in labor no less. I think of how weary she must have been if she had just the slightest clue of the magnitude of what she was about to do for the world. Giving birth
to the Son of God- the one who would be our Savior.

After reading the story, I told the
girls it was time to say our prayer. Rory was too sleepy to do
anything but close her eyes sweetly, but Ryder clasped those hands
together tightly, and started saying, “Dee God” (dear God)… and
my heart just went from weary, to joyful.

I finished praying while trying to
choke back sobs of happiness.

Here I was, laying with my entire family- Andy
included! Oh, and Jersey too!- in Rory’s little full bed…
God gifted me with this family. He
entrusted ME to raise these precious girls of mine. He entrusted ME
with a strong-willed, smart, beautiful, sweet little girl named
Rory. He entrusted ME (!!!) with a sweet, funny, smart, MIRACLE
child named Ryder. He entrusted ME to care for that sweet sick
little baby last year. He entrusts ME to discipline and stay on top
of that strong-willed child to train her to use that trait as the
best trait she could ever have. He entrusted ME to take care of my
husband. And that’s just the cherry on top of the already amazing
Gift He gave- His SON!

There are so many parents who are wishing to spend
tonight with their precious children, but can’t because they have
passed away or are in the hospital sick. There are women who have
lost their husbands this year or whose husbands are at war, who
would do anything to lay together reading a story with their entire
family. I could go on and on…

So, tonight, I will be joyful no matter if the girls
are in ratty pajamas, no matter that the house is a wreck, no
matter that I’m so sore and weary from holding babies.

No, this is not the Christmas
I intended, but it is exactly the Christmas God intended for me. He
intended every second of it, so that I could realize how blessed I
am and realize how much He loves me… ME! He has entrusted me
with the gift of my beautiful family and He has entrusted me with
the gift of Jesus. To spread His love and His intentions for each
of our lives… that means each of you. Even on our weariest of
days, He has intended each second of them to be a gift to us. I
hope I can remember all day tomorrow, no matter if the kids don’t
sleep even a second or if they fuss the entire car ride or whatever
else life may throw my way, that God INTENDED to send His Son to
save me and to save you.

Hope everyone has a very, very Merry
Christmas!

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9 thoughts on “not the Christmas I intended.

  1. Merry Christmas to you & your family Tiffany, You all have brought me so much joy this year and I am sure you will many years to come! May God bless each one of you!

  2. A very Merry Christmas Day to you all. This was my second reminder this morning that Mary didn’t “intend” her trip to be in labor or in a manger! I’ve decided to enjoy this blessed day even if Steves.sick, traveling, and no place open…..I’ll just pretend I’m Mary on the way home! Love u have wonderful day.

  3. I love hearing about the girls and you with all that goes on. I also love the pictures. There were days I didn’t feel great from my chemo treatments but I would read your post or FB page about something that had happened with the girls or you, sometimes both, and it always made me laugh. Sometimes I would even laugh out loud and show it to David when he got home. Thank you for sharing you family with us. Enjoy this stage because it doesn’t last long at all!! Love, Allyson

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