There are some things I’ve learned in our (almost) 10 years of marriage and I thought I’d start sharing some of the things I’ve learned with y’all (both things I’ve learned easily and things I’ve learned the hard way). Sometimes it’ll be tips, sometimes it’ll be hilarious stories, sometimes it’ll be things I’ve learned the hard way…
Now. Let me get something real clear here before we move on with our new segment called “Married Mondays” – I AM NOT AN EXPERT OR EVEN A GOOD WIFE 90% OF THE TIME.
I’m simply a wife who has sometimes (okay, a lot of the time) fumbled through the marriage realm trying to figure out what works and what doesn’t. This is hopefully going to be full of humor, encouragement, and realness.
What started me thinking about doing a regular marriage post is by the reaction I’ve gotten in the past when I’m real about marriage, the good and the bad. Now, I’m not going to be using this as a sound base for all my complaints about my husband, but I will always be honest about the fact that marriage is sometimes just hard. Not even because of him most of the time- it is mostly because I’m a selfish human and like to fight to the death to get my way. Not good, people.
Today I’m going to give 5 Very Random Tips to Make Your Marriage Better (I could come up with 230923 more tips, these are just five that came off the top of my head for today):
1- Just say yes.
Andy and I both have a hard time with this one. For some reason, our first and natural reaction is “no”.
Here are some examples:
Andy has a tendency to want to stay home all the time and I have the tendency to want to go all the time. I’ve quit asking so much because I know it isn’t reasonable, but my love language would be catered to if he said “yes” occasionally to my declarations of “let’s just go to ____ and spend the day!”. He’s a planner and it makes him crazy, but I love to go and it delights me to NO END when he says “yes” without me begging him. TO NO END, y’all. I want to squeeze his face off when he says “yes” to my need for spontaneity.
For me- I need to say “yes” more to things like Andy’s love of hunting, fishing, projects, etc. Instead of rolling my eyes and making him feel terrible about him going hunting, I should just say, “yes! go have fun!” and give him a smack on the butt as he walks out the door. (I don’t do this well most of the time.) (the saying yes part- I smack him on the butt all the time so I do that very well.) Or how about it drives me insane that he can’t just relax when he’s at home, he has to be doing some sort of project, but what I need to do is just help him with his projects and not complain one bit and just say, “yes” to cleaning out the car or garage or whatever for the 23090323 time.
Women, you should also just say yes to other things but that is for another blog that doesn’t have readers named Mom and Dad.
But seriously. Just say yes.
2- Encourage one another.
Do I think some of Andy’s ideas are kinda sorta insane? Yes, yes I do. But I have complete faith that he’s 1000xs smarter than me, so I just trust him and encourage him along the way.
I think it is just so important for husbands and wives to be each other’s biggest cheer leaders. I mean, if the person who knows you the very best in life and chooses to STILL LOVE YOU while knowing the good, bad, and ugly then it shouldn’t be a sacrifice at all to encourage them.
3- Change for them.
Oh yes, I said it. We are told over and over again by society that we don’t need to change but that the other person needs to change.
The best thing you can do for your spouse and FOR YOURSELF is to be willing to change and mold and bend and COMPROMISE for a better life. Why wait and wait and wait for someone else to change when you can do it yourself?
For example: Do you think I ever expected to have moved to 15 different homes, 8 different towns, and four different states? No. No I did not.
But because I was willing to change my expectations and plans to better BOTH OF OUR LIVES, we have had the most awesome experiences everywhere we have been.
4- Laugh together.
This is probably my #1 actually. It is so important that you don’t always take yourself so seriously. Andy and I are probably the extreme of this because we laugh ALL THE TIME. I’m so thankful that he laughs with me (and at me) when we both know I’m being stupid or crazy.
For example: A neighbor showed up and my girls let her in before I even knew someone was at the door. I had been in the laundry and only had a tshirt on because I was trying to find a pair of pants. Andy was on the back porch grilling out so I ran out there and told him to go in and take care of the neighbor because I couldn’t get to any pants without her seeing me. Well, there I am on the back porch doing that weird awkward dance you do when you’re avoiding a situation and don’t have pants on (what? I’m the only one who has a dance like this????) and I look over to see my neighbor with their head cocked to the side like “WAIT WHAT AM I LOOKING AT RIGHT NOW?!” ….. Bless it.
Well Andrew thinks things like this are hysterical. And I do them all the dang time.
Andy’s very, very quiet. Like the dude rarely speaks ever. But when he opens his mouth it 99% of the time is HILARIOUS.
For example: We were eating dinner the other night and some song came on (can’t even remember what song, it was an uber cheesy one) and I said, “hey! Listen! It is our song!” (as a joke). Andy pipes up and says, “Naw. Our song is ‘Back That Thang Up’.” I mean. Seriously?! I about peed my pants from laughing.
5- DATE EACH OTHER.
Y’all, this is just so important. How can you stay in love and stay connected if you don’t go on dates?
And believe me- sometimes it is hard to do. We had NO ONE in Texas so we hired one. We didn’t get to go as often, but we made sure to do it.
Andy and I love our date nights. I can’t even tell you. We usually go to dinner just so I don’t have to cook (ha) and then we do random things. A lot of the time we come back home and watch a movie together on the couch with no children climbing on us.
If you can’t afford to hire someone or don’t have anyone, you can still have date nights! When we couldn’t afford it a particular month in Texas, we would go out on the back porch after the kids were in bed and we just talked and ate dinner out there. Or we would get in the bed and watch a movie. Sometimes “date night” simply consisted of us cooking and eating dinner after the kids were in bed. Those were just as good as most of the date nights we had going out.
Okay, that is it for the first “Married Monday”. I’d love to hear your five random tips for surviving marriage!
Remember, I’m no marriage expert, but I am always trying! Most “Married Mondays” will have a theme, today I just wanted to kick start it so this is extremely random.