I have big news, y’all.

I’m judging a beauty pageant this weekend.

Like for real. Me.

Please, try to contain your laughter to a respectable level.

Also, please help me remember to wax my eyebrows before Saturday.

Because, seriously, nothing would be worse than showing up to judge beauty stuff with my natural man-brows.

Something hit me today though.

How am I going to be able to contain my laughter? Y’all know that I am KNOWN for my giggle fits.

I’m trying to figure out what drug to take to sedate me so that I can keep my giggling to a minimum.

Let me know if y’all have a solution to this.

The past week and a half have been a series of DOOZY days. I mean. DOOZIES.

These heifers of mine have been in full force crazy defiant mode.

ME: No.

Girls: She means YES DO IT.

That is basically the run down of the past 10 days. Goodness.

So I’ve been having a bit of a obedience bootcamp.

Clearly it is going well.

I was getting ready when I noticed the above graffiti. I immediately go to Rory and ask her if she did this. The following was our conversation:

Me: Rory, did you write on my cabinets?

Rory (with her most innocent face): No, it was Ryder. Her did it and is very bad.

Me: Rory, are you telling the truth? Are you telling me that you did not write your name on my cabinets?

Rory: Yes, I tell truth. It was Ryder.

Me: Rory, are you sure you are telling me the truth? How does Ryder know how to write your name? Last time I saw Ryder write anything all she could do was scribble.

Rory: Well, I just hold her hand and show her how to write R-O-R-Y.

Now, people. In these moments it is really hard for me to keep my composure. Somehow I managed to not even crack a smile. I should get a trophy.

The best part about summer in the new house is obviously the pool. I can let them swim before nap and that, my friends, is how I make it through long days of discipline issues.

I now have to figure out what to wear to be a judge at this pageant.

And I’m practicing my eternal laughter.

I feel like I’m going to be twitching pretty badly.

Stay tuned…

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