Everyday Life, hilarious adventures

live updates such as toilet troubles and licking slides

I’m sitting at McDonald’s while the kids play because we all just desperately needed out of the apartment. While I really love our place, the biggest downside is the lack of space to play. There is no outdoor space and sometimes we just need to get the heck out of dodge before someone gets hurt.

Truth be told, the McDonald’s playtime was a big ol’ bribe by yours truly in attempt to get the kids to cooperate during Rory’s five year old photo shoot. I use that term loosely seeing as it is basically me yelling at whichever child to PLEASE JUST LOOK AT MY CAMERA FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE.

Luckily I was smart enough to bribe them with a chance to play at the germ pool that is the fast food restaurant playground, so the pictures went off without a hitch.

I have no idea how the pictures turned out exactly because my camera died before I could view them so hopefully the possible diseases we came in contact with won’t be in vain.

For those interested, we had the best time ever ever ever at Wilderness at the Smokies. I have a ton of video and some pictures to share but TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES ARE GETTING THE BEST OF ME RIGHT NOW.

I’m hoping to have all that up by Friday.

You should know that Rory just came to me and yelled, “RYDER FARTED MOM AND IT STANKS.” I am mortified but everyone here is entertained so I guess that is what matters.

Or maybe what matters is manners, but my children clearly lack them even though I pour hours of my time into correcting this unladylike behavior.

Which brings me to my next point….


Surely I’m not alone in this dilemma of life, but I swear y’all, I must repeat myself to no avail 2103910323 times a day. No but seriously. I feel like I talk and correct and ask questions all the live long day and NO ONE HEARS ME.

How many times does one need to say something before THEY EXPLODE OUT OF FRUSTRATION?!

I feel as though I’m at that point right now. I would love to say it was the kids but I’m telling you right now that everyone in our house must have “Tiffany muffs” on because NO ONE CAN HEAR ME APPARENTLY.

I waste all of my time and energy speaking and I cannot understand why it has to be this way????

Okay, okay. Rant over.

Update: Rory just came and said there is a kid who has a large butt crack shining at everyone.

Update 2: Ryder just came to me in an urgent need to poop. Took everyone and everything to the bathroom and there was lots of poop talk. Rory then asked the lady in the stall next to us if she was going poop too. “It is okay if you are because all of my family is too! Even my mom! We all poop! Everyone poops! So if you need to push it out and make a lot of noise, IT IS OKAY!” I’m sure she appreciates the encouragement and permission to be loud while pooping even though the poor lady didn’t ask for all that information.

Update 3: We got ice cream and I enjoyed every bite of Ryder’s. She insists she loves ice cream even though I gently AND firmly remind her that she never eats it. But once again, no one listens to anything I say and therefore we get her ice cream and she has one lick before she decides LIFE IS UNFAIR BECAUSE I DON’T LIKE THE ICE CREAM MAMA!

Update 4: Rory now declares the need to poop.


Update 6: I’m afraid they will be banning us from this place soon.

Update 7: I don’t even know why I tried to blog seeing as I had to shut my computer and tote it to the bathroom 4 million times.

Update 8: Why is it that when we go to play at places the children suddenly feel the need to be in my lap or give me 87 million hugs? I should treasure this, I know, but seriously. WE CAME HERE FOR US TO NOT HAVE TO TOUCH.

Update 9: My children will surely need therapy.

Update 10: There is a child who has stalked Ryder and stolen her socks off her feet 5 times. I cannot find her mother.

Update 11: Ryder is yelling “GET AWAY FROM ME SOCK THEIF”. I’m afraid she will be knocked out soon because, as we know, RYDER DOES NOT PLAY.

Update 12: I just saw my children licking the slide. I must go now and hold a vigil for their health.

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3 thoughts on “live updates such as toilet troubles and licking slides

  1. Okay, okay, I’m a regular reader, but rarely a commenter. But HAD to comment on this one:

    HA!!! That is TOOOO FUNNY!!!! 😉 Love the conversation with the lady in the adjoining bathroom stall….=D Hope your vigil for their health goes well…and just so you know, I think ALL Mom’s speak in a tone and a language that nobody can hear or understand – must I REALLY repeat myself 3 times before you hear me? REALLY?!?!?! Hang in there!!!

  2. Have to tell you…you need to write a book…laughed my way through the whole thing…needed a good laugh…been there and done that, but to read about it……priceless…..keep up the good writing…

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