You know what I’ve found about life, no matter what stage of it you are in?
It is bipolar. Life is bipolar.
I know y’all are thinking I’m so profound right now.
But am I right or am I right?
Sometimes it is just so stinking exhausting trying to keep up with the ups and downs of life. And I’m not even necessarily talking about the BIG LIFE ALTERING THINGS.
I’m talking about the every day. The mundane. The routines.
The up all night and early mornings. The 5 minute showers where you only get half of one leg shaved. The hurrying out the door for school and work. The tension that comes with feeling so rushed every.single.day. no matter that we wake up at the butt crack of dawn everysingleday. The coming home after a long day for EVERYONE and having to rush to get supper cooked. Letting the kids play for a few minutes while I tidy up the house so it doesn’t get out of control (which happens SO QUICKLY). Then, BAM, it is bedtime and I haven’t even spent enough QUALITY time with them. I have spent time hurrying them here and there and correcting them and parenting them but it always grips me that what if I didn’t love them enough today? Then its crash in our own bed, watch a little tv, and out we go for a few hours until the first kid wakes up.
I’m talking about the every day with marriage.
Marriage is so bipolar too. Despite what your precious friends on Facebook say, marriage is not 24/7 of sunshine and rainbows and flowers and chocolate covered strawberries and glitter farts. It is gritty and fun and awful and wonderful and HARD and sweet mercy exhausting and oh-so-beautiful. Bipolar. I go from looking at Andy and thinking that my heart hurts because I love him SO MUCH. I really do think that sometimes. I cannot even stand it I have so much pride in him and his accomplishments and his work ethic and his good looks. And then sometimes I look at him and I want to punch him a little. That is real life folks.
In fact, we’ve been in this “marriage class” (please envision me doing lots of air quotes here) as I like to call it and this is no joke- they talk about “real life experiences” and tell these crazy boring stories of their “fights” about things like not turning the eye on the stove (?) and I’m sitting there thinking “um… true story… I threw a shoe at Andy once in our early years of marriage”. Now THAT is the type of thing I want to hear about. Not because it gives me pleasure to hear these things (though, it kinda does) but because I JUST WANT PEOPLE TO BE REAL. God intended for there to be conflict in marriage. No really, he did. He never promised those glitter farts, y’all. He never did. He says it is going to be hard.
And then there are the toddlers….
The definition of toddler is this; bipolar tiny people.
Rory and Ryder can go from EXTREME HAPPINESS LIVING IN A FAIRYTALE DREAM FANTASY WORLD to THE WORLD IS ENDING, MY WEGS WON’T WORK, LIFE IS SOOOOOO UNFAAAAAIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRR, I HATE EBERYFING, YOU ARE MEAN, YOU AREN’T MY BEST FWIEND ANYMORE, YOU WILL NEBER BE MY FAVWITE EBER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m pretty sure living with the toddler is one of the most draining experiences on earth. Don’t get me wrong, it is definitely 100% for sure the most rewarding job too because they are SMART and absorb every detail of anything you teach them and they are so sweet and adorable and snuggly…
but they will turn on you in about .0000002 seconds.
No joke, y’all. Today Ryder was so excited about life. The outlook was so promising.
Then she could not for the love of cookies get her sock on right. I don’t know what about it wasn’t right because it was exactly right in every way possible but it royally ticked her off and therefore her legs would not work and I had to literally drag her out of the door. Normally I would carry her but she informed me she couldn’t even put her legs around me because they didn’t work enough. Now, of course I don’t let her get away with this. But when you are already running let, you just drag them out the door and pray they don’t need therapy.
Rory has reached an age where MOST of the time she is very reasonable and absolutely wonderful… that is until it is time to put on clothes. I don’t know if y’all know this or not but “FOUR YEARS OLDS DO NOT WEAR PANTS, MOM! THEY ONLY WEAR TUTUS AND DRESSES THAT TWIRL!” *insert dramatic eye roll here* These are all true stories I’m telling you, people. Rory had a come apart because I put on a skirt that did not meet her twirl standards. Bless her poor, deprived heart.
And then, more if you are a woman I think, there are the friendships.
Between PMSing and one-upping and judging each other and all the passive aggressive CRAP, it makes friendships with women hard. If I’m being honest I only have a select few friends that I don’t feel like I have to walk on eggshells around at all times. Is that friendship?! I’ve had MANY kinds of friends- from the amazing to the oh-so-terrible and no matter how old I get I feel like it all just stays the same. Sometimes I’m just so dang exhausted with the bipolar-ness of girlfriends.
I also work at a place of ALL women and y’all, I love these people to death but we all get the case of the grumps sometimes and even work can sometimes be bipolar.
Don’t even get me started on family…. (ha…. no but really y’all wouldn’t believe some of the bipolar things my family has been through lately)
So, right now in my life that is just how I feel. I feel like I’m on this crazy roller coaster of bipolar chaos and sometimes I’m just ready to jump off.
I know the easier thing to do would to be to give up and not fight against the ups and downs and just call it a day. I know mere survival is how I look at life sometimes.
There have been lots of days (weeks, actually) of late that I have JUST survived. That is it. Mere survival. I have succumbed to the stresses of the every day and I’m not doing a very good job at maintaining my mission which is to love my people well.
I want to LIVE with intention, not just survive. I want to love my people better. I want to make sure the people in my life that stick with me no matter what are never unsure of where they stand with me- I want them to know how much I love and appreciate them. I think just surviving is so selfish. I want to breathe life into my girls, into my husband, into my friends, and into my family. I don’t want to allow anyone else to steal my joy – I want to be a joy to others.
I will admit it is a STRUGGLE for me. I let people steal my joy every day. But that is my choice! I want to choose to find joy no matter what the day brings.
Is anyone else struggling with these same things? Is the bipolar/roller coaster of life getting you down? Am I the only one in a marriage that doesn’t involve glitter farts?!