Everyday Life

I’m not good at much.

So this past weekend I threw my ten year high school reunion. I was a NERVOUS WRECK about it. I’m not going to talk too much about it because I don’t have the pictures on me and that is a whole post in and of itself. But I will tell you that I wanted to crawl in a hole and call the whole thing off because the pressure of everyone having a good time and not hating me forever because they were bored out of their mind at their one and only 10 year reunion ABOUT DID ME IN Y’ALL.

So, when it was a decent success, I realized maybe I am good at a couple of things.

Now don’t get me wrong, I know most people are reading and thinking this is a “woe is me” moment here, but seriously I’m not going there with this.

I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m not especially skilled in one amazing thing or another like most people. But there are some things I’m pretty good at. In fact, I think I will do a Top Ten List of things I’m decently good at… you know David Letterman style.

10) I’m pretty good at not washing my hair. I know, I know. Gross. But actually I’m currently “training” my hair to go 4-6 days between washing and y’all, I’m really good at not caring that it’s been 4 days since my last wash!

9) I’m really good at not knowing what I want to be when I grow up. I’ve only had six majors and four colleges to prove this to be true.

8) I’m amazing at being terrible at painting my fingernails. I mean. I’VE SUCCEED AT THIS IN LIFE.

7) I’m really good at putting off laundry. Oh how I hate laundry. So I’ve become an expert in not doing it until I’m to the point of buying new underwear to avoid it. And yes, I’ve actually done that before. Don’t judge.

6) I’m really a pretty good dancer. Like as in, I dance and don’t care if it is good or not BUT in my mind it is amazing. I’m pretty fantastic at The Wobble and anything Beyoncé does. Or at least in my mind I am.

5) I’m pretty amazing at convincing myself I sound JUST LIKE Katy Perry in my car. Or Celine Dion. Or Mariah Carey. Or Miranda Lambert. Or the Dixie Chicks.

4) I’m really, really good at teaching my coworkers life saving computer knowledge. Like how to copy and paste.

3) I’m really really good at smiling and laughing through fits. This week we decided, against our better judgment, to go to The Chinese. Well, Rory being Rory, decided that she wanted shrimp. She didn’t want any cocktail sauce. Then she took a bite of the shrimp and decided she wanted cocktail sauce. Then she decided the cocktail sauce was too hot. Then she wanted the ranch dressing.

MUST I GO ON?! DO YOU GET THE PICTURE?!

Turns out, sister hadn’t had a nap.

So off she goes, pitching a fit and crying because OH FOR THE LOVE OF HUMANITY WHY CAN’T SHE JUST DIP HER ONE SHRIMP PIECE IN SOME RANCH DRESSING?!

I sat there eating and smiling and telling her how rude she was being and DID SHE LOVE US BECAUSE “LOVE IS NOT RUDE” (one of our key Bible verses) and on and on it went.

BUT YOU BETTER BELIEVE I HAD A SMILE ON MY FACE.

As we were walking out, Rory decided she wanted her fortune cookie. After I had already told her 21309203452 times that because of her behavior she wouldn’t be getting a treat. Well, apparently she had never heard of this before!

So she went down like a limp biscuit because suddenly her body couldn’t work.

Direct quote.

Naturally, I just grabbed her little hand and DRUG THAT SISTER OUT OF THERE. Everyone was staring and I just looked around at ALL THE PEOPLE staring at me and said, “AREN’T KIDS AMAZING?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”. Giggle giggle.

Blank stares.

It was fantastic.

2) I’ve pretty much perfected the art of attracting crazy. It is everywhere I go. In fact, being a receptionist at a doctor’s office is pretty much the best job ever for me because there is always crazy around me and it just seems completely normal. I’M NOT PHASED BY THE CRAZY ANYMORE.

1) Speaking of my job. I’m really good at not doing my job well.

Let me explain.

I answer the phone “good morning” yada yada. They tell me their name and their symptoms/needs and I pass them on or book an appointment or whatever.

Well. When I have to pass them on I always get in a tizzy. (Side note: This is probably why they have nicknamed me Big Tizzy.)

I cannot for the life of me ever remember the patient’s name. That or I think I know the patient’s name and I say it completely and totally wrong.

One time I told them Mick Jaggard was on the phone.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I’M SAYING????

I’m also really good at putting in symptoms. I put in EXACTLY what they say. So if they say “growing” instead of “groin”, I PUT GROWING DANGIT.

I believe I will be employee of the month every month for the rest of eternity.

Because they feel sorry for me.

HAPPY FRIDAY, Y’ALL.

Just want y’all to know I love you so much for reading and baring with me as I get through some stuff. I haven’t been posting because life is just hard sometimes and sometimes you just can’t write about it. But I will tell you that I love to TRY to make you laugh and I love that you read despite the crazy. Y’all don’t know how much I love ya.

Andy took this picture of the girl climbing on me, as per usual. This is what life is about. Letting yourself and your kids have fun together and loving your people hard.

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3 thoughts on “I’m not good at much.

  1. HA!HA! You are just so funny. I love reading your blogs, even when life is hard it is wonderful to always find humor in the middle of it. 🙂

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