Everyday Life, hilarious adventures

I survived.

After 20something long days, the day is finally here for Andy to come home and get us moved.

I didn’t tell hardly anyone because of security issues I have, but Andy has been gone since the end of July and I’ve been single parenting it since then.

I would like to first give a huge shout out to all those single moms or military moms out there. I cannot imagine doing this more than what I did. It was HARD. Way harder than anyone can imagine until they do it. Kudos to you. You deserve all the breaks in the world, all the coffee in the world, all the money in the world. No joke. You have the hardest job.

Let me just tell y’all something.

There have been times in the past almost month that I have LOST THE WILL TO PARENT. No seriously I AM NOT CUT OUT FOR THIS PARENTING THING type of lost it.

I was SUCH a fun parent the first ten days. Then we were all over it and wanted daddy home. Thank the Lord for the amazing park here because I winged it after the initial TEN DAYS O’ FUN and just took them to the park all the time and pretended I was super fun. Except the fact is, the park saved me. Gave me a will to live. Gave me a will to parent. I could sit there and watch my little tooties run around like banshees and enjoy the breeze and NO TOUCHING. It was my saving grace, y’all. We parked it everysinglenight. Not even joking. We went to the park every.single.night.

Also, my kids are going to have to go on a detox diet to rid themselves of all the toxins they have ingested while Andy’s been gone. No but for real. Let me just tell you how many meals I have cooked since Andy’s been gone….. ONE.

I just laughed out loud.

Basically we have survived off mac and cheese/spaghetti o’s/chicken nuggets/poptarts/cereal/fruit. And by fruit I mean fruit snacks, of course.

Most nights I didn’t even eat dinner because I didn’t want to cook or dirty any dishes. I just let the girls have a bowl of their favorite cereal and called it a day.

I did, however, drink three bottles of wine.

Stop judging me. Or do judge me. I really don’t care.

I survived and so did the children. That is all that matters.

In other news, I’ve dropped 7 pounds which proves that I am fat (and happy) because of Andy. Right?!

Also pretty much anything that could have happened while he was gone DID. Because I have limited internet usage time I am going to make a list of ALL THE CRAZY that happened while he was gone.

1- The entire time he was gone our house was for sale. That means I had to keep it perfectly clean the ENTIRE TIME. Have you met my children?! Is this the real world?! THEN the house sold in record time and we had to have every person under the sun come into our home and fix this and that or inspect/appraise/random other reasons the realtor wanted in our house. IT WAS TOO MUCH, Y’ALL. That alone almost made me an insane person.

2- Andrew, from Chattanooga, sold everything we owned. Mostly without informing me. He sold the lawn mower, tiller, furniture, playset, other random crap. I had two sweet Mexicans show up and say, “Two hundred dinero, yes?!” while shoving money in my face. I’m standing there like a deer in the headlights wondering if Andy sold me into slavery.

3- The pool became DONEZO. We aren’t sure what is going on with it, but we know something is and we cannot spend any more money on a pool we can’t use. That made me shed lots of tears. I thought I had a months worth of swimming left aka free entertainment and good sleep. It was very devastating to me.

4- Rory became convinced that the move was nothing more than taking everything she loved away (pool, swing set, etc). We cried a lot of tears together. I had to bring out the big guns and make sure this was so fun and that she knew this was going to make our lives even better.

5- Our dog was accused of killing chickens. It is still a very touchy subject and I just don’t know how much I can say seeing as the sherif department is involved and I haven’t moved yet.

I feel like that is a good note to end on. There are more things that happened, but I will save that for another post.

Today my BFF Joe is here packing all of my stuff up in an insanely fast time frame and I just want to kiss him on the face I love him so much. But that would be weird.

To be continued…

probably not until I get the internets at the new place.

Which by the way, could y’all please harass Andy until he agrees to get me cable?! I have several shows I CANNOT MISS. Bachelor in Paradise! Real Housewives! Naked and Afraid! BOTCHED! Candidly Nicole! I mean COME ON, Andrew!


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