I have been SICK this week. So sick I was quarantined in my room for several days and barely able to raise my head.
But even so, I’ve been able to take in some glimpses of life that I wouldn’t normally be able to appreciate quite as much.
Glimpses of the girls growing up especially. The way Rory would knock on my locked door and say, “Mom! Are you still sick? I love you! I hope you feel better!” and then run off. Then Ryder would do the same. The way Rory would poke her head in and say, “Do you need anything, Mom?” like such a big girl. The way Ryder would just knock LOUDLY and run off in her ever-so-pesky manner that never leaves her.
I catch glances of pictures of when the girls were tiny and think, “wow- how did this happen? How did these years pass so quickly and yet seem to never end at the same time?” Do you ever feel this way? Like time is at a stand still but also faster than light? I feel like that sums up motherhood or parenthood so well.
I’ve also seen major glimpses of hope around our house lately.
I have started some new routines and somehow they have worked. Rory has been reading herself to sleep at night which is a true miracle. She has been sleeping so much better as well, so how could I not be hopeful? Behavior is so much better with more sleep and spirits are high in the Harris house over these new accomplishments.
And have I mentioned how incredibly smart Rory is? Surely not. Ha! She “reads” the entire Go Dogs Go book. Andy and I will go in our room and turn on the monitor and listen to her read it to herself. It is precious.
And more importantly than all of that, there are glimpses of hope for our marriage to be exactly what we fight for it to be all throughout this house these days.
From the way Andy is paying more attention, to the way I’m not being so sensitive. From the way Andy suggested we go to a marriage class to which I was eager to attend with him because we BOTH need it. Glimpses of hope seeping through our skin as we drive home after the first class and both apologize because we realized we’ve been in a crazy cycle for years and we are both desperately wanting out of it.
Glimpses of hope being restored for our family because Andy and I are getting back on the right track and the kids are sensing that hope as well. We are all happier and trying harder. Andy and I aren’t yelling at them in frustration as much. I’ve committed to not yelling at all. I don’t want my children to remember me as a mom who was quick to yell, I want them to remember me as a mom quick to give grace. The same is true with Andy, I want him to always think of me as quick to give him grace.
Are things perfect? Certainly not, and they will never be.
But there are glimpses of hope and new mercies everywhere we look.