hilarious adventures, Travel

fun, sun, and embarrassment

So, as most of you know, thanks to Instagram and the facebooks, we went on vacation last week! We spent the week in Orange Beach, AL and had the best time. This was our first official family vacation just us and it was so needed and so wonderful.

We had the same schedule every day, because my kids are sticklers about a schedule. We woke up around 7:30 (oh yes, we slept in!) (no that isn’t a joke- 7:30 is sleeping in around here for sure!), ate breakfast, went to the beach, swam in the pool, ate lunch, took naps, got ready, went out to eat, came home and got in bed. It was fabulous.

Now. Get ready for picture overload.

We decided to leave when all these crazy Savannah people do – 3:30 am. Rory was a perfect little angel baby and went back to sleep and was a champ in the car.

RYDER WAS NOT. She was so mad we woke her up and put her in the car. She literally cried at least 3 hrs. Like screamed. It was awesome. Or not. When it was my time to drive Andy decided to get in the back and all three of them passed out. I had to take a picture because it was so hilarious to me seeing them all back there like that.

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Most nights while we were there we met up with our friends who were vacationing down there at the same time. Clay, Haley, Abby, Josh, Cindy, Dennis and three kids stayed in the same house down the beach from us. The girls loved seeing all of them at night. They are especially smitten with Haley’s mom, Cindy. In fact, Rory said, “Her is my favorite girl ever” to which Ryder replied- “YEAHHHH!”.

Typical girls picture with Abby and Haley.

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Y’all are totally impressed with my mad skillz, I know it. Getting that many toddlers to take a picture that is semi decent- MIRACLE.

Actually, bribery.

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Oh, look! Another girls pic! So original!

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Excited for the beach!

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We built approximately 239230592342 Barbie sand castles.

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A sweet lady came and asked if we wanted a family picture and I thought, “Sure lady but no one will ever see this because it is a bathing suit picture and that would mortify me”…

but then I noticed a little bonus surprise in the middle of the pic (front and center)- a nice crotch shot of some dude in the background. So I had to share because pretty much this sums up our life. What other family would find this typical?

(PS- thank the Lord for the crop feature for pictures!)

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Rory LOVED the beach. She didn’t mind getting sand everywhere and loved building castles with her daddy.

Ryder, on the other hand, was a total diva. And I LOATHE calling kids divas. It makes me crazy.

But in this case, Ryder totally was just that. She would scrunch her nose up and say “ew dirty” the entire time. So she just ended up sitting under the umbrella, eating and drinking and people watching.

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SEVERAL times over the week we attempted family pictures. None went very well. But hey, we tried.

Although, I’m not sure why we even try. Ha!

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One night we planned sunset pictures and totally missed sunset. OH WELL- kids were heifers anyway! ha!

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I kept trying to get a picture we me and the girls or at least one girl by myself.

NEGATIVE. AIN’T HAPPENIN’. STOP TRYING.

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 Mornings started out with lots of choke holds snuggles, as per usual.

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Their favorite thing was getting to go to the kiddie pool our condo had. It was fabulous, but a bit warm and that gave me the gags a little. You know what I’m talking about. Kiddie pool. Pee. Warmth.

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So, I know y’all are thinking, “ok this is boring- let’s get to the good stuff”. Well you are in luck! I have some amazingly embarrassing stories for you!

Let’s start with Rory. This precious face is deceiving.

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The very first day we were out on the beach, a lady came over to talk to Rory (side note: why do people do this?) and Rory looked at her in her TINY bikini and said, “Hey why you not have any clothes on?”, and then she walked away and left me standing there MORTIFIED.

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The other majorly mortifying moment came walking back from the pool one day. A very sweet, very large (tall, muscular, probably a football player back in the day) African American man was walking next to us and we were talking about the weather etc. He said to Rory, “Man, you are getting a tan little girl!” and she bounces along and says to him, “Yep! I’m black as a biscuit!”

Y’ALL. You should have seen me scrambling. I assured him I had NO IDEA (and seriously I don’t!) where she got that from because I have never ever said anything like that before to her. Thankfully, he just laughed and laughed. I pretty much died right there.

On the last day we went out to the kiddie pool while Andy packed the car up for us to drive home. There was a guy laying next to my chair and he kept talking to me and was a bit inappropriate with me. So, I was already uncomfortable and embarrassed and wanting to leave. Then Rory came over and noticed he was laying spread eagle on the chair. She says to him, “hey mister man, I can see your body”… “body” is code for privates. I DIED, y’all. DIIIIIED. Can’t even begin to tell you how mortified I was. Horrified. Beyond ready to leave and never come back. Lord have mercy.

And then there is this stinker….

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She had some doozies of her own.

The second day on the beach we were walking back to go to the pool and this guy was walking in our direction. Ryder stopped and said, “Momma! A MONSTER!!!! A MONSTER COMIN’!” and was pointing straight at him. He was really big (not really fat big, just a tall, large guy) with a REALLY hairy chest and a doo-rag (is that how you spell it?) with long white hair. So apparently that is what makes a monster. Mortified.

Then a couple of days later she sees a man in the hallway and apparently he looked familiar to her so she runs at him YELLING, “Santa Cwaus! Santa Cwaus! Come back to me Santa Cwaus!” over and over and over and over. Luckily the guy had a sense of humor and laughed.

Who knew Santa wore Hawaiian printed bathing suit bottoms and a cute straw hat and vacationed in Orange Beach, FL?

All I gotta say is that I’m glad they don’t know what Duck Dynasty is yet because they would have called out A LOT of Si’s down there! Ha!

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And then there were LOTS of stories of them embarrassing me together.

But the icing on the cake was at Souvenir City. Oh sweet mercy it was a doozy.

First, Rory determined she couldn’t walk. The only way she could get around was doing somersaults. Obviously, Ryder came down with the same ailment and decided it was the PERFECT PLACE to perfect her somersault.

AND OH DID SHE EVER PERFECT IT.

Well, apparently her diaper was getting in the way, so she took that thing off, swung it above her head with a little “woohoo!”, and started flipping with her bare butt up in the air.

People were giggling and looking in horror.

AND SO WAS I.

I was trying to get on to them, but others were laughing and it was just a never ending battle.

So then I just pretended they weren’t my kids.

Obviously.

Andy was standing a few feet away AND DIDN’T EVEN KNOW ANY OF THIS HAPPENED!

Typical.

So there you go. That was our trip in a nutshell. Fun, sun, and embarrassment!

Can’t wait until next year!

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7 thoughts on “fun, sun, and embarrassment

  1. I don’t know you but I came across your blog probably a year ago and I ALWAYS look forward to your posts! This is my 1st time to ever comment! But girl you have me dying of laughter on the stories from y’alls vacation! I always check the blog at work and people are walking by my office looking in and wondering what in the heck I am laughing at! hahahaha I needed a smile and a giggle fit today so thank you! Your family is precious and I LOVE your blog!

  2. Sounds like the best vacation ever! Full of the best of memories and when your girls are teenagers you can tell those stories and so embarrass them!!

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