Everyday Life, hilarious adventures, Uncategorized

Don’t worry, this is just my poop face.

Pretty sure this past weekend was the most glorious weekends pretty much ever.

I feel like the sun hasn’t shown its face in so long and it was WONDERFUL to spend time outside. Saturday we spent the entire afternoon outside. The girls explored and talked to the neighbors and got dirty and it was awesome. Oh, and the best part? I got the tiniest amount of sun ever possible but whatever, it was still a bit of a tan.

Yesterday also marked my least favorite time of the year- annual outage time. SIGH. I’m so proud of Andy though and decided that this year instead of complaining about how hard it is on ALL of us, that I’m just going to pray for Andy everytime I think about the outage or him in general. I’m just going to pray that his poor body that endures LONG days (4am-11pm is a long day, y’all, and he has been known to pull those kind of days on a shutdown) will weather this time better than usual. I’m going to pray that he sleeps well every night, even if that means I’m up every night for the whole month. I’m going to pray that he is safe and that his contractors are safe and that the projects he is over go without a hitch. I know this is so stressful on him and I’m going to make sure this year he is bathed in prayer and loved on when he gets home no matter how hard it may be on me (because I can guarantee it is worse on him).

In other news, I was up all night last night because time change has done some damage on me and the girls. Rory didn’t go to sleep until, well, forever. She is the master procrastinator when it comes to bedtime. She came in our room no less that 20 times last night. The following are examples of her needs in life past 8:00pm:20140310-154259.jpg

“Mom! Did you hear me?! I sneezed so much.”

“Mom! You need to turn your TV off because it is waking me up.”

“Mom! I really have to go to the bathroom again.” Me: No, honey you don’t. Rory: “Mom! Do you want me to pee in my pants? Cause I will if I can’t go!”

“Mom! I sneezed again so much. You better get me some medicine for my sneezes!”

I think you are getting the point….

Ryder was up at 4:45 this morning because well, I don’t know why. So I put her in my bed so that maybe she’s go back to sleep. Well, she went back to sleep at 6:20. It was one of those mornings where I didn’t want to shower because I didn’t want to wake Ryder up, and then I didn’t want to get in the shower because Rory might come barging in and wake her up… so I had no shower and my hur is a MESS.

Yeah, I said ‘hur’.

(Hur = hair, mom.)

Rory also came in our room at 1:30 claiming that she had a dream and God told her she needed to snuggle with her daddy.

Mmmmhmmmm… well played, Rory. So once I got her all tucked back in and back in bed I had all these crazy thoughts running through my head about a blog post. Then I saw what my note said today and well, I’m quite concerned for myself.

So I figured I’d just go through each point and make a blog post out of it… because why not?20140310-154240.jpg

The first and third points in my note go together.

Yesterday we went to the Mexican after church because tradition, duh. Also, I obviously love to torture myself.

After we ate Rory declared she needed to go to the bathroom. Now, I quite despise the public restroom situation, but Rory was grabbing herself saying, “Ohhhhh lawd momma I can’t hold it anymore!” so I thought it was wise to go ahead and let her contaminate herself.

So we get in there and have to wait because the place (as in the restroom) was packed out. Of course.

We finally go into the stall and Rory declares, “Mom! I think its a poop kinda time!” … To which I respond with a hearty, ” SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! NO ONE WANTS TO KNOW THAT!”

So at this point people are already giggling. Then the giggles get louder as Rory proceeds to make lots of noises that you just apparently HAVE to make to go #2.

And as if that weren’t enough, she then decides that I must be worried because she proceeds to say to me, “Don’t worry, Mom! This is just my poop face! Its not my mad face! See, my mad face looks like this *insert mad face here* and my poop face looks like this *insert poop face and a big grunt*! See the difference?!” and then shows me approximately 10 more times to be sure we are clear that she is not mad at me, she’s just making her poop face.

I’m 100% certain one lady peed in her pants while waiting on Rory to finish poop facing in the bathroom.

As if that weren’t bad enough, I took the girls to WalMart after church last night and Rory decides that would be the PERFECT time to show Ryder the difference between the poop face and the mad face. So here they go, right in the middle of the WalMart saying things like, “Okay, Ryder- let me see your mad face…. ok ok good…. now let me see your poop face…. okay well you need to squeeze down a little harder… ok perfect” …. over and over again. Lots of grunting going on… honestly a few farts flew in that grocery cart and I thought LORD HAVE MERCY THEY ARE ABOUT TO CRAP THEIR PANTS.

But luckily, no sharts happened at the WalMart yesterday.

The next point on the crazy note is simply Weiner dog.

Now I THINK this has to do with our new neighbors. You see, I’m fairly certain they have a wiener dog and I’m 100% positive this will end badly for me.

You see, my children keep asking what their dogs names are and what kind of dogs they are and I’m 99% sure Andy told them that it is a wiener dog.

Now, you might think this is crazy to be worried about this, but really y’all? Have you read this blog AT ALL?

I can see it now… them talking to the new neighbors and me trying to act normal when lo and behold here comes the girls yelling “WIENER” and well, that would be devastating.

I know you are thinking that I’m over reacting, but I am trying my hardest to seem normal to at least one neighbor.

Because all of the other neighbors have seen me a) fall off the lawn mower on numerous occasions b) fall down my front steps at least twice c) flash them on two occasions and d) run into things with the lawn mower at least 10 times.

So, as you can tell, I’m pretty sure we leave a lasting impression.

So much so that we moved into the neighborhood and 3 homes promptly went for sale.

I’m starting to get REALLY PARANOID.

And my paranoia is so bad apparently I’m typing things like ‘wiener dog’ on my phone at 2:11 am.

The bipolar comment comes from my realization after looking back on the following text between the husband and I.20140310-154317.jpg

My last post was about how life was bipolar, but I’m pretty sure it is ME. Ha! Don’t pretend you don’t  text things like that to your husbands. This particular moment was brought to you by the “we will be leaving in just a second” text and then not hearing from him for 3 hours. So I felt the need to express my feelings in the form of a violent text. He called me .3 seconds later. HA HA! See! I know what kind of push a man needs to get a response!

Oh and one more thing- this picture makes you think my girls would never do such things as poop vs mad faces in the WalMarts, right?!

They are such precious little turds.

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