Everyday Life, hilarious adventures

car “wrecks” and potty mouths

Oh, yesterday. April Fools. You did not disappoint.

I took the girls to school and came home to wait until an appropriate time to call my old work and get them.

(While I waited I clipped coupons for makeup because THIS IS MY LIFE NOW.)

I called and pretended to be a woman with a strong country accent that had 8 kids with “the tenncare”. I had the receptionists going for A WHILE. It was amazing.

Then I called back to the nurses and somehow they knew it was me right away. They all told me I needed a job. Pretty sure they are right. It was amazing and I got it all on video so I will be posting that on the youtube soon.

When I got home from picking the girls up from school I came home to find a gorgeous bouquet of flowers from Andy. Now if you know us at all you know that Andy isn’t the romantic, flower giving type. So it was pretty hysterical that he “got me” for April fools with the flowers.

After the girls rested up we headed to the park. It was beautiful, sunny, warm with a cool breeze…. it was just gorgeous outside.

Ryder stayed under the playground equipment in the shade because the sun was too bright and hot and it made her legs not work.

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After being terrorized by bees (there was one bee for one second) the girls declared they were ready to go home.

We load up in the van and I go to back out when I see another car rapidly backing out toward me. I realize the other car isn’t stopping and is about to hit my car right where Rory is sitting so I throw my car into drive and hit the gas to avoid being hit by the car.

I unfortunately didn’t see that there was a curb and a ditch and so there I went right into it.

The guy speeds off and never bats an eye when he sees me in this predicament. Lovely man I’m sure.

Now I have to tell you that when I hit the curb and went over it wasn’t my finest hour and I let out a hearty “sh&@” out of my mouth . Again, not my finest hour.

The girls immediately started asking what that “sh…” word was. Over and over. Then they went on to play while I waited on a tow truck and never mentioned it again so I thought I was off the hook.

But of course it couldn’t be that easy.

This morning Rory woke up (at 4am for the day asking for… lettuce; I will never understand) and started asking more questions about that “s” word. I finally broke down and told her that it was a very bad word like poop or crap and that mommy shouldn’t have said it and that I had already asked for forgiveness. She said, “Well Jesus will forgive you but lets not say that again, okay?” Yes ma’am.

Rory volunteered to say the prayer this morning at school and this was her prayer:

“Dear Lord, thank you for this day. Please forgive my mom and help her not say that shit word again. Amen.”

Because why not? I was mortified.

Luckily the teachers thought it was hilarious and didn’t shame me into oblivion. Reason 9293824 why I love Rory’s school. They are fun and not too serious or “perfect”.

So there you have it. 24 hours in the life of Tiffany.

I need my reality show. If it is gonna be all crazy all the time I need to be paid for this mess.

Happy Easter weekend! Andy is off tomorrow for Good Friday and I’m pretty sure this is the first time he’s ever been off. We are all so excited for the weekend. Rory has been really listening this year and it is so sweet to see her heart opening and learning about Jesus. There is nothing better in life than that.

 

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