People.

I have to talk with y’all about something.

I’m on the verge of bitter.

There were things I said I’d NEVER EVER DO ….

like EVER

EVER

EVER.

1- I said I’d never live in Louisiana.

God laughed.

2- I said I’d never live in Texas.

God laughed and made me LOVE it.

3- I said I’d never live less than 2 hours from any family.

God laughed and moved me REALLY close.

4- I said that I would never under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES ever ever ever

EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

drive a Minivan.

God LAUGHED AND LAUGHED AND LAUGHED.

Then he probably giggled.

Then he belly laughed some more.

Because I’ll be darn if I didn’t get myself a Minivan on Saturday.

photo2Please note the “excited” face and the all black attire.

BECAUSE I AM IN MOURNING.

And let me just tell y’all about this minivan buying experience.

While I quite enjoyed shopping at CarMax for the first time, I will say they did something WAY WRONG at their car lot.

Like it is UNSPEAKABLE how wrong it was.

You see, folks, as I was looking at the minivans and feeling like another part of me was dying to Motherhood, I look across from the MV’s to see this…

photo (1)

That’s right.

LUXURY SUVs.

To rub it in my face that I wasn’t purchasing one of those even more was my old car, the Volvo. My dream car. The car that disappointed me in ways I will never get over when it died mid-move last year.

photo

You better believe I told the management how horrific it was for me to have to look at my big ol’ momcar while being taunted by the Audis, Porsches, and BMWs.

It is just wrong, people.

To top it all off there was THAT COUPLE.

There was this young, madly in love couple car shopping too.

And you better believe they weren’t looking for a minivan.

They were about to test drive the Porsche.

Sigh.

So there they were lovey dovey all over each other, blissfully unaware of their future if they choose to have children.

They look over at me and we lock eyes.

They give me this, “Oh, I’m so sorry for your loss” face.

I look back at them like, “I know. Thank you for your condolences.” and gave them a wave like, “I will be okay. One day.”

It was tragic.

And ironic.

And symbolic.

So I test drive the MV and decided, well, of course I’m getting it.

It’s only the most wonderful car ever created in the history of the earth.

After the test drive, we park it and I just get out and walk away quickly.

The saleslady person says, “you are going to go cry aren’t you?”

I say, “Yes… let me just have a moment.”

I go and tears stream down my face for a short second. Then I sucked it up and signed the papers.

Goodbye coolness.

Hello swagger wagon.

And y’all. It was just precious.

My children were so excited about the new car they COULD NOT STAND IT.

Rory giggled ’til she cried over the automatic doors.

THIS IS NOT AN EXAGGERATION.

Girlfriend had legitimate tears over the fact that she could push a button and shut the door by herself.

Don’t even get me started on their reaction to the DVD player and the cool limo lights going on in that swagger wagon.

THEY ARE DELIGHTED WITH IT.

And honestly, so am I.

Soon I will do a post on all the ways I love my minivan.

So not only did I say I wouldn’t ever EVER ever HAVE a minivan, I also said I would get one and NEVER EVER LIKE IT.

God is laughing again.

Because I’ll be dang if I don’t LOVE THE MESS out of that thing.

So there you have it.

Because Why Not? : Minivan Edition

To be continued…

 

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2 comments on “Because Why Not : Minivan Edition”

  1. Too funny! I was the exact same way and darn it, I ended up with the exact same minivan for Christmas last year! And guess what? I LOVE the thing! Seriously the best vehicle ever for moms with crazy little ones. Enjoy your swagger wagon. We can be uncool together. 😉

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