This past weekend was a weekend we had been anticipating for SO LONG. It was the opening home game for our MS State Bulldogs!

And, oh. We HAD A PLAN.

We decided we would take the girls to experience their very first football game at Davis Wade Stadium, because surely there is nothing on earth better.

I usually would describe myself as a “prepared mom” and all that jazz, but NOTHING ON EARTH could have prepared me the HOTNESS OF SEPTEMBER 7TH, 2013.

Have mercy.

Which, by the way, I feel is hilarious since I’ve lived in the south almost my entire life, but on occasion the southern heat still astounds me.

Rory was a champ. She didn’t complain about the heat even one time.

Ryder, on the other hand, BARELY SURVIVED.

“MOMMA IT IS HOOOOOOOT. I IS HOOOOOT.”

“I CAN’T MOMMA. I JUST CAN’T. I CAAAAAN’T. I HOT AND I CAAAAAN’T.”

“MOMMA MY WEGS NOT WORKIN ANYMORE. THEY ALMOST FALL OFF. IT SO HOOOOOT.”

I’m not making this up people. I heard it ALL DAY LONG. And believe me, I tried my hardest to make sure she was comfortable. She had water, juice, gatorade, etc etc etc, but nothing on earth could save Ryder from the heat.

AND SHE WAS ANGRY ABOUT IT.

She also absolutely loved the game. If it hadn’t of been so hot they would have been wonderful. Ryder cheered her heart out yelling, “Go! State! GO STATE!”, over and over again. It was priceless.

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Rory loved it too, she’s just not as vocal as Ryder about it. Yes, you heard that correctly. Ryder has decided all of a sudden that SHE NEVER NEEDS TO EVER SHUT UP.

And I say that with much much love in my heart. She seriously woke up one day and hasn’t stopped talking even for a second. She talks your head off all the time.

Rory loved tailgating for a little bit and loved being a “cheerweader”.

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Ryder was TOO HOT to cooperate with any pictures.

At one point I lost Andy…. or rather HE lost me because he ran off to sell some extra tickets we had for oh, FIVE HOURS. Or just two hours. But still.

So there I was alone with two kids and I realized the game started an hour and a half later than I was told and I thought I was going to pass out right then and there because woowee I was tired of the girls and the heat and OH THE DRAMA of it all.

So the girls and I made our way to Barnes and Noble at the Junction (thank sweet Jesus for that place. seriously.) and read 109234023 books and did other random silly things to pass the time.

Which may or may not have included me drinking a coke and laying on the floor in the children’s section while two heifers jumped all over me.

I WAS IN SURVIVAL MODE.

At one point, right before the game, I was in line with the girls and there was a guy standing in front of us with his kid.

Ryder for some reason thought it was Andy (which lets give her a break- from her view the dude had hairy legs and cargo shorts so DUH ITS DAD) so she kept touching him.

Now. It was embarrassing enough when she was touching the back of his hairy legs but THEN…

oh but then…

she decided to rub her hand on his butt then between his legs in almost a cupping motion to his nether regions …

And y’all. Dude clenched and jumped so fast I think he nearly hurt something.

AND I ABOUT PASSED OUT RIGHT THEN AND THERE.

To make matters worse, I’m apologizing and he’s kinda laughing and making remarks like “yeah I know kids are weird” and then I go and open my big mouth and say, “SO SORRY, SHE THOUGHT YOU WERE HER DAD.”

And he looked at me like, “say what? that makes it better? that she cups her dad’s nether regions?”

And then I seriously could have crawled into a hole right then and there and never came out.

Ever.

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Dear Ryder. Please don’t ever do that again. K thanks.

So if that weren’t embarrassing enough…photo copy 17

Andrew and Rory spent a significant amount of time alone together and he taught her the word “shart”.

Don’t know what it is?
Look it up.

So

We went to go get ice cream on our way home and were having a lovely time trying to pick out the mass amount of toppings in the fro-yo place when Rory all of a sudden says, “WHO SHARTED?!”.

And, OF COURSE, it wouldn’t be my life if the place were empty or it fell on deaf ears.

Oh no.

Because why not?! I’ve already been embarrassed TO THE MAXIMUM LEVEL with all the fondling of the random men … so WHY NOT?!

The people in there almost sharted themselves, actually, from laughing so hard.

Like how I used it there?!

Oh yes they did. They laughed the entire time they got their fro yo. They laughed the entire time they checked out. They were crying from laughing. They laughed all the way home, I guarantee it.

So there you have it.

Because why not? : Football Weekend Lovelies Edition

or

Because why not? : Fondling and Sharting Edition

It’ll be a LONG, long, loooong, LONG LONG LONG LONG LONG time before we take the girls back for a hot weather game.

That is a fact.

At least we all look fantastic in Maroon!

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…….

Dear Rachel,

If you read this today I hope it made you laugh through all the tears. I love you and am praying for you today. Weston impacted so many, and because of your strong faith and your amazing character, you are continuing to let his story be an inspiration. From your marriage to your faith to the way you always have a smile on your face, you are such an inspiration to me.

I am so thankful for you. Survive today, His mercies are new each and every morning.

Tiffany

Related posts:

stanky breath
because why not?: Smart Phone and Pedicure Edition
the big 3-0 and a weekend at Dollywood

2 comments on “because why not? : Football Weekend Lovelies”

  1. Just so funny, but look at it this way- if you had not taken them we would not have been blessed with another 30 minutes of laughter! Besides I remember a plane trip when a 18 month sweet little girl (Tiffany) said something that embarrassed her Dad, Mom and three sisters!

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