We had one of those glorious weekends and I was super sad to see Andy leave for work this morning.

Friday I met my friend Amber at a local jump place for kids. We weren’t sure what to expect and were pleasantly surprised. It was a huge space and had the best prices I’ve seen on these sorts of places. Best of all we were practically the only ones there. We got there about 1 and stayed until 4. The children were worn the heck out. Rory keeps saying it was the best day ever. Amber and I sat and talked and they played so well together. I feel like we are going to have lots of play dates there in the future.

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Saturday I slept in (!) and got ready for my work Christmas party. That’s right, you heard me. Amber and I decided to go get pedicures and lunch. Then Amber came up with the brilliant idea to call it the Christmas party because everyone else gets them so why not us stay at home moms? I feel like this is a tradition we will continue every year.

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When I got back Andy says to me he wants to take a drive and really there”s not much more in life that I love more than a good adventure/drive. We loaded in the car and stopped at a gas station with approximately $27 in change to get a few snacks. It took the girls a good 30 minutes to decide what kind of junk food they wanted. I mean, you should’ve seen them. Their eyes were huge taking in all the options. It was hilarious watching them go from one candy bar to another. And in the end, they both decided on the plain Jane Hershey’s chocolate bar. Go figure.

I made the mistake of getting a 44 oz $1 coke and there may or may not have been hot fries involved. This will be important later.

Andy started driving and about 15 minutes from our house we ended up at the Ocoee River and I’m all HOW DID I NOT KNOW IT WAS THIS CLOSE TO US?! We drove and took in the beauty of the river and the mountains while it was gloriously silent in our car thanks to children who fell asleep. Andy and I talked and laughed and it was so refreshing to feel reconnected after a crazy work week.

We ended up at the Ocoee museum or info center that was the main 1996 Olympic view point. We all got out of the car to walk around and see the place. We may or may not have crashed a wedding.

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At one point Rory started to tear up. When I saw a few tears falling I asked what was wrong and she says, “Everything here is just so beautiful. I can’t believe God made all of this!” So therefore I started to cry because THAT IS THE MOST PRECIOUS THING I HAVE EVER HEARD.

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As we walked back towards the museum the urge hit me and it hit me hard. I don’t know if it was the soft trickle of the river or what but that’s when I realized the 44oz drink was probably a bad idea. But dang those fries were so hot and I needed to drank after I ate them. Probably another bad idea. (BTW. I only drank 1/4 of the drink and was still regretting it which is a testament to my bladder size. You’re welcome for that info.)

I get up to the building and ask someone in the wedding party where the bathrooms were so that I wouldn’t be wondering all through their event. The lady groans loudly and says they are all locked because apparently the museum is closed Nov-Feb. She thanks me for reminding her that she needed to pee and dances off to try to forget about it again.

Y’all. This is when the pain starts. There are people all around and no place to hide and I’m FREAKING OUT because after two children THERE IS NO WAY IN HADES IM GONNA BE ABLE TO HOLD IT.

That’s when I realized….

I have a toddler potty in my car.

And on that fateful day of 12-13-14, I, Tiffany Harris, put that toddler potty in the van, closed the doors, and hovered like I’ve never done before. In the parking lot. In the middle of a wedding. In the middle of the day.

The heavens opened and angels sang a beautiful song in my head and it was about that time that I realized that I AM IN THE BACK OF MY MINIVAN PEEING INTO A TODDLER SIZED TRAINING POTTY SHAPED LIKE A TURTLE.

It was a new low, people.

I don’t know if you’ve seen my butt ever in my life but you should know it has never once been called “small”. I mean, my dad called me turtle butt when I was still in diapers. Let’s just say, I’m pretty sure every big butt song has been written about mine, okay?

So there was a moment when I prayed aloud fervently, “Lord, work a miracle today and let my aim be accurate and let this tiny potty not overflow. If you do this for me I will never drink a 44oz coke again.”

He heard my prayers, friends, and I was blessed enough to not pee in my pants thanks to the toddler potty in my car. Hallelujah and amen.

Of course, it couldn’t stop there because Rory and Ryder also used it after me. I mean, that thing is a blessing I tell you.

Andy was, how do I say?, mortified.

He would probably like you all to know that he did NOT use the potty that day with us. He doesn’t know what he’s missing though.

After all that craziness we went down to Georgia to my cousin Jessica’s house and had pizza and let the kids play. The girls love playing with Bree’s 1747282 “big kid” toys. The highlight was the concert put on by them. I mean the Canjo played by Ryder, the keyboard by Bree, and singing by Rory was such a blessing to us. It did make me realize that Andy and I will win the awesome parent award come Christmas morning when two little stinkers open up their karaoke machine and Frozen CD.

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Sunday morning we went to church and witnessed every person in Cleveland with the sniffles and/or talking about someone in their family having the flu. So that wasn’t stressful or anything. They had a big Christmas program we really wanted to go to but seriously, attendance was shockingly low that morning thanks to sickness so we decided to call it a pajama day the rest of the day. It was SO cold and there’s nothing better than a lazy Sunday afternoon.

In fact, now that the kids are “older”, I go into my room every Sunday and take a good 2-3 hour nap. Pretty much every single Sunday. I tell Andy that nothing speaks to my love language more than him letting me have that nap on Sunday’s. And I mean that whole heartedly. It blesses me in ways he will never know.

Last night Rory and I went to target to get a few gifts and she was so funny. She insisted on getting things that would make any woman slightly more fashionable. She loves a good accessory.

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It is so hard to believe that it’s only a week and a half until Christmas. Oh I am so looking forward to Christmas with our families, but most of all a few days here at home with absolutely nothing but playing with our new toys to do.

Happy Monday! And if you’re thinking of saying “yes” to that 44ozer just remember that you may hit a new low after.

Related posts:

because why not? : puppy edition
time brings laughter.
Girls Trip to NYC 2014

1 comment on “a new low.”

  1. Oh my gosh! I just laughed out loud for a solid five minutes! And I soooo needed that today! Oh, and as creepy as it may be, I totally have a vivid imagination and I pictured the whole thing in my mind…It’s really weird, but when hilariously funny/ridiculous things/events happen to people, I so totally see the whole thing play out…It’s a gift! : )

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