This has been quite a long week and I have found myself unable to write any sort of blog all week. I have so many things floating around in my head but have no idea where to even begin to put them down coherently.
We’ve had a good week though. Rory started a new Mother’s Day Out and has had a blast in her new “big girl” class. Where is the time going? She’s so grown up these days. Ryder is in the same class she’s always been in and, of course, adores Miss Nora and Miss Anna.
Here are the girls before school Tuesday and Thursday- can you tell Ryder is a complete stinker?! How did I get two little precious heifers?!
Cassidy and I on the way to Chili’s- we were so giddy to get out of the house finally! I’ve been stuck inside with shingles (yes, I have shingles) and Cassidy’s little girl can’t go outside because of a cut so we were SO READY to get out!
Right now in our stage of the big move is the hardest, I think. Everyone knows we are going, WE know we are going, but we are still here. So plans are being made past our timeline of being here and I get overcome with sadness that I can’t be apart of it. My friends here have been amazing and I can’t imagine not getting to go, quite literally for most of them, right down the street and let the kids play and laugh or cry with them.
I’ve been weepy and on an emotional roller coaster that I didn’t quite expect. And I also feel like I’m disappointing everyone. I have responsibilities here at church and plans with friends that we didn’t get to yet and I feel like I’m letting people down by leaving.
But more than that, I feel like everyone is expecting me to be so over the moon and ecstatic about moving “home” and so far, I’m just not. Don’t get me wrong, I am excited about our next adventure and that we will be closer to our family and friends in TN, but I’m also so sad that I can’t get to the excited part just yet. I feel like I’m stuck in this place of not knowing how to feel because if I’m too excited that will hurt people here, but the fact that I’m not quite showing excitement as everyone seems to be expecting from me is also hurting people.
And, to be honest, TN isn’t necessarily “home” anymore. We have been away 8 years, and all of our marriage, so THIS is home.
Which also means THAT will be home too. Because no matter how many friends I have here and no matter how extremely sad I am to leave my wonderful friends and church family here, I know that this move is the best for our family. And I have learned through all the moves in our marriage that I can be happy and make a home anywhere. I made a commitment to Andy when we were married eight years ago this past Tuesday and I am always excited to follow his dreams (and mine) and I will always hold true to that commitment. I don’t care where I am, if my family (meaning Andy and the girls) are there, nothing else matters. I will be happy wherever they are.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned about marriage in our eight years together, its that my life is made better by being with Andy. I have a partner to go through all these exciting yet disappointing times. I am lucky to be married to someone who is passionate about his goals and dreams and I knew before we were ever together that he was going to do great things with his life. And I’m just more than privileged to be apart of it and to help with making OUR dreams come true for our family.
Happy Anniversary, Andy! I would pick you every time, even if I had a million chances and a million choices… I’d always pick you.